I received a phone call from my Nan inviting me to concert at the Belterra Casino. She informed me that there is going to be an Elvis impersonator there and apparently he is soooo good, that he is the only one Priscilla has endorsed. I ask her, "So Nanny, which Elvis is it?" She replied, "What do you mean?" I said, "Well Nan is it the young cute Elvis or the old overweight, rhinestone jumpsuit, drug addict Elvis?" Nan quickly replied, "Sweet Jesus Jessica, I am sure its not the latter."
I am going to be honest with you, I am not an Elvis fanatic. However, my Nan, bless her 78 year old heart, loves him and thought I needed a girls night out. So I picked up my Aunt Donna and off we go to the Belterra. We meet Nan and my Aunt Karen for a little gambling before the show.
So now the time has come for the "Event of a Lifetime" as the poster read. We end up sitting at a VIP table with 5 other white haired ladies with Elvis songs as their ring tones on their phones, and their purses that light up with Elvis flashing in colors of green and red. I look around and my Aunt Donna whispers in my ear, "Jess I believe you are the youngest person in here."
To explain why we are at a VIP table: Basically Nan spends most of her time at the Belterra having an excellent run. She wins lots of money and spends lots of money there. They always have her room reserved for her even if she doesn't call before she comes down. I told her that when she died they would probably erect a plaque on the wall outside of the room that reads, "The Ruth Ann Carman Ogden Suite".
Others have starting to pile in at this point. At the "Celebrity VIP Table", here comes this gentleman pushing a very frail, little old lady in a wheelchair. I am thinking to myslef, "Who in the hell is that? She must be someone, because she is sitting at the CELEBRITY table." It was as if my Aunt Donna could read my mind. She leans over and says, "She must have dated Elvis, hence the reason she is at THAT table." I just died laughing.
The lights dim. This curtain behind the band starts twinkling with thousands of stars. The band walks out on stage and women start whistling and clapping. After the band is in position, the theme from 2001 A Space Odyssey starts playing. The suspense is building and building as the music gets more climactic. Then all of the sudden..BOOOM. Out pops Elvis. Its slightly overweight, skin tight white rhinestone Elvis. Well holy shit you would have thought it was actually him by the reaction of the women in that concert hall. They sreamed and cheered and whistled. I look over at Nan who is standing up with both arms raised in the air, like she was at a Van Halen concert of something. I couldn't stop giggling.
Well as the concert progressed, oh Elvis did every pelvic thrust, ass clench, arm waving dance possible. He walks over to our side of the stage and turns around, showing us his ass, and then bends over. Well I could hear Nan exclaim, "Well Sweet Jesus!" My Aunt Karen points to his ass and says, "Look Jess! Look! I don't believe he is wearing any underwear." Of course that just makes one look harder. I almost belived her until, through the white skin tight pants, you could see a white triangle above the crack of his ass. So I point to Karen and yell, "Holy shit he is wearing a thong!!" Then he gets these scarves and wipes the sweat from his brow and these women come running up to the stage and he drapes each one of them with a sweat drenched scarf. He obviously runs out of brow sweat and proceeds to wipe his chest and his underarms with the scarf and gives it to a lady. I yelled, "EWWWWW!" My Aunt Karen tells me that Elvis used to do that with the ladies. Well I looked at her and said, "Karen...that isn't Elvis. Its some dude. That is just sick." She laughed and said, "I didn't think of it like that LOL!"
So that pretty much sums up my Sundy Brunch with Elvis.
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