Hello all! As some of you may or may not be aware of, I am a property manager in the good ol' city of Richmond, KY. Now the properties I manage are pretty much low income and full of good people for the most part. However, every now and again you get those fruit loops that add a bit of spice in a would be ordinary day.
To start this tale off...I am having 2 apartment buildings totally redone. (Trust me, they needed it!) I receive a phone call from my dear project manager and he is in a state of total shock. He informs me that while him and a few of the other guys were in the back of the building working on 2 of the apartments, he asks one of the guys to go up front and lock up the other 2 apartments. He then hears curse word after curse word that would even make the most saltiest of sailors blush. Wondering why all the commotion, he proceeds to go to the front of the building and into the apartment where all the pandalirium is stemming from only to find a "unique" couple engaged in acts that are illegal in most states. After trying to put this horrible site out of his memory, he calls the police. Now said couple are completely trashed out of their minds and are attempting to leave at this point. So my project manager decided to try to get their demographic and personal information for the police. He proceeds to tell them that the apartment will be ready in a few weeks and if they are interested, just give him their name, social security numbers and current addresses for the application. Well frick and frack thought that was an excellent idea and divulged the information. So the police arrive and take the report. Now they call me and tell me that I need to meet them at the police station to give them names and numbers of the owners...etc. Well here I go. I am thinking the whole way down there OMFG what am I going to say to the cops. Feeling that this little story was too good to keep to myself, I immediately called my dear dear Dusty, who put me on speaker phone so Karl (her husband) could join in on the frivolity. We were laughing until we almost peed our pants.
The police tell me that in order to press charges, I need to go to the county attorney and tell them they story and give them a report number. Feeling that there are other crimes going on that could use more police attention and were more worth the tax payers dollars than this episode....I didn't go to the attorney.
My moment of psychic clarity came on this past Sunday evening. I had just gotten back from Ohio visiting relatives and was relaxing on the lounge. All of the sudden I hear numerous sirens. I mean they just kept coming. I looked to Darren and said, "I have a feeling those are for the properties." He just laughed and said nah. Well, not 15 seconds later, my mobile starts blaring. It was my maintenance people, that live at the property, informing me that one of the apartments was on fire. I just exclaimed WHAT???
Well everyone made it out ok. Apparently, one of my tenants decided to put their cigarette out in the garbage can. Not the best place for this. It caught fire. Well she comes running out on the porch screaming, so the maintenance people call 911. The first person to arrive is a police officer. He takes off up the stairs and runs at full force into the HVAC unit hanging out of the wall. He cracks his forehead on it, staggers back a couple of steps exclaiming ,"SON OF A BITCH!" He gets inside to find one of the tenants going insane and the other in the shower. He orders the insane one out of the building and yanks the other one out of the shower...completely naked out onto the porch. Well she starts screaming about how she doesn't have any clothes on and runs downstairs to another apartment to find a towel. The police officer grabs the bag and throws it outside and stomps on it. By this time 5 fire engines have shown up. All of the tenants are out in the parking lot except for one who lives underneath the apartment with the fire. She is on the phone talking to who knows telling them that she has no idea what is going on. Well needless to say all is well. No damage was done to the apartment. I wish I had a video camera up to catch that on film. It would have won an Oscar for sure.
Tune in next week children for more TALES FROM THE HOOD!!
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