This is a tale about a man named Mike (my father) and his troubles with his towing receiver hitch.
As some of you may or may not know, my dad goes every weekend to our cabin at Lake Cumberland. Its a man made lake in southern Kentucky. In fact I believe its the 5th largest in the US. Every weekend its gets invaded by the Ohio navy or as we lovingly call them FIFOs (Fucking Idiots From Ohio).
Our tale begins one fateful day when my dad, who already owns a pontoon and a jet boat, makes the purchase of two kayaks. Him and my stepmom went kayaking in North Carolina and loved it so much they decided to purchase a couple. Dad needed to put this new type of T bar carrier for his kayaks on the back of the truck. This requires him to remove the receiver hitch on the back of the truck and install a T bar. So he is out at the house and proceeds to try to remove the one that tows the pontoon and the jet boat. He tugs and tugs...but alas the "damn thing" doesn't budge. He uses a whole can of WD-40 and beats the hell out of it with a sledge hammer. He even used a car jack...it still does not move an inch.
Dad comes walking into the office the next day...a man on a mission. He informs me of his dilemma and decides that the best course of action is to call a professional to help solve his problem. Dad calls Evans Tire, here in good ol' Richmond, KY and Mike Evans informs him that the best way to remove the receiving hitch is to take a logging chain and attach it to the hitch and a tree and drive forward and it should come right out. Now dad looks at me and says, "Yeah right...he is full of shit. I need another opinion. Who do you think I should call?" I grab the phone book and find Brockman's 4x4 (the biggest bunch of rednecks in Richmond in my opinion). I inform dad that if anyone knows how to get that "damn thing" out...they would. Dad picks up the phone and dials Brockman's. The first thing out of the mechanics mouth is, "You got a loggin chain? Hell just hook that chain up to a tree...it pulls harder than you do. It should pop that "damn thing" out of there...no problem." Well dad, having now 2 opinions from "professional rednecks" decides this is the best course of action. We proceed to drive all over town to various automotive parts shops to buy the best damn industrial strength lubracant money can buy.
All day dad goes in and out of the office to spray this lubricant on the towing hitch. Then he decides that he is ready to try and yank it out of there. Well I flip out and tell him that he needs to be careful because the last thing I want to hear is a phone call from my step mom telling me she found dad dead in the back yard with a towing hitch protruding out of his forehead. He calls me overly paranoid and off he goes. Well an hour passes and I start to worry...so I decide to ring him. He answers much to my relief and tells me, "Hell no it didn't work. I broke the logging chain in half and I think I screwed up the tree." Well at this point I am laughing my ass off. So off he goes to the lake...minus the kayaks.
Monday morning comes around and he decides to hell with the whole "damn thing". He will just have a welder cut off the "damn thing" and he will buy a whole new one. He goes out to the welding guy (who is more redneck than Brockman's and I didn't think that was possible). The guy informs him that he doesn't need a new one and he can take care of the problem. So dad says, "Hell give it a shot." A couple of hours pass and his mobile rings, "Mr. Carman...she's ready for ya. Come on out and pick her up." Off dad goes. He gets there and poof its off. He asks the guy how in the hell did he remove it. The man says (imagine a really really horrible redneck accent), "Well hell buddy. All I did was cut a hole in the back of the receiver and take a hammer and a chisel...well it scared me plum to death. I gave it a good whackin and it shot across the room faster than greased owl shit." I fall over laughing at this explanation and I thought dad was going to pee his pants he was laughing so hard. So after all of this he hooks it up and puts the kayaks on it. Off he goes to the lake today. All is well in the Carman household once again.
This is only a tiny segment in what happens in the HELP U SELL office in Richmond, KY.
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